I’ve been struggling, really struggling to find the words here. Everyone seems to have said their piece about the craziness, while I’ve been sitting, day after day with my fingers at the keyboard, feeling so inadequate. Words are hard for me. Words are especially hard, right out of the gate when I’m still trying to process me. And because I’ve made this platform, a bit of a soapbox, if you will, the obligation to show up with something worthwhile is strong. So I write, delete, rearrange, erase, start over, leave it untouched, come back the next morning <<< repeat. Everything sounds depressing and insecure and messy.

On Insta the other day, I was listening to someone talk about how in this time, we need to be setting anchors and keeping our minds strong. And that really hit me because if there has been one thing I haven’t been doing this week is keeping my mind out of the emotional gutter. I have friends in other states who have been majorly affected by this craziness and hearing their stories (although good) comes with its own weight of guilt because I don’t have it that rough. . .yet.

I know a lot of people are struggling. Terribly struggling. I know you want to be sensitive to that. I know you want to spend hours on Twitter reading every story about every heartbreak. I want to read those stories too. Heck, I have been reading those stories. But no amount of social media browsing or Netflix binging is going to take away from the real and important work of keeping your mind safe and sane.

The big picture is that the world will still be around for a good, long while. But who knows how long this will take. And none of the emotion you’re tempted to wallow in is going to make living day to day any easier. People need you. People need you present. There’s a city outside your door that needs light and kindness and solidarity. The internet likes to show off its wilted grass, make you think that you should be doing something good somewhere else. Not true. You can’t control anything that you can’t reach. You certainly cannot reach into another state or country.

Take care of yourself and the people around you. It’s all you can do.

Remember the good things. Every morning you wake up healthy, with internet access, and food in the fridge is a good morning. Not everyone has that.

Yes, I’m exhausted. Yes, my mind hurts. Yes, the uncertainty and the disappointment sucks. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned in the past couple of years is that bad and good are not mutually exclusive. There can be disappointment in a good day. A bad day can still start out with sunlight in the windows.
Time will be bittersweet for a while, and it’s okay. . .it’s okay to feel both.

stay strong.
k.

. . .

If the comment box feels too public,
I take messages through Insta (@thiskeira)